A Bit of a Crisis

I just switched over after the conclusion of Echoes on WXPN to Audio Visions on  XM so its right around midnight (would that be A.M. or P.M. I can never remember what is which.) So yes by this point I can confidently say that I will have another sleepless night.  Ohh yay.  It really sucks not being able to move and to be active and do things that I enjoy doing.  I start physical therapy wednesday so hopefully they will give me a wider range of movement capabilities, which current limit is walking... and well sitting.  I had a friend that I have danced with forever (its freaky strange on what level we are connected) call this morning and ask if I could re-stage with her one of our early pieces that we co-choreographed together. Of course I could not but it was fun catching up with her non the less.  It sounded as if we were two old ladies (our birthdays are only a month apart) talking about all of our current ailments over the phone.  She particularly enjoyed the pin incident story, but then again most people do.

I think that I might be having a bit of a crisis.  Maybe crisis isn't the right word, but it is as good as its going to get at this point.  It was brought on by the realization that the only way I could pass A&P lab now is if a virus took out the entire network at school and every  grade was erased.  But then of course there are the backup servers that would need to be addressed and I am sure there are always hardcopies for that kind of stuff as well. With that and taking incomplete in all of my dance classes I think that this semester would have been more productive if I did not take any classes at all. Even when I was dancing I did not fell as if I was getting anything out of it.  It was like I was just going through the motions because I had to and not because I wanted to. It's not that I was not enjoying moving but by being forced to take A&P It felt like I was being forced to take my other classes as well.  So I am just questioning how much dance I want to take next fall; which is also influenced by what the hell has to be done to my ankle and how long it's going to take to do it.  At this point I do not know if I want to keep dance as a major at all.  I think that subconsciously I knew that there would be a time when I would have to decide just how much I want to be involved in the dance world, but I always thought/hoped that I would have at least made it through academia and established myself into the field (in whatever way) before I would have to make a decision.

Maybe that this is just the insomnia kicking in and I'm just jumping ahead of  of myself, and I pray that I am.  But like everything else there are always choices in a decision and the path the they lead to is only apparent at the end.

EDIT: The time stamp at the end says its 12 A.M so there you go.