Another adventure with the web

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Everything

It truly is a wonderful day today.  The weather is amazing.  We're at that point where the autumn winds have cooled everything down a bit and everything is still green.  My french test was this morning and it went well enough and I still have three days of mobility left!

One days like this it just seems like everything is just little bit better of.  The appearance of everything is bathed in  a positive light. There really isn't any reason for me to be this pleased, and of course there isn't any reason for me not to be, but I am. One these type of days you stop being just in the cosmos by apart of it.

Its on days like these that I miss being outside more.  Outside like I was that is.  Playing with the animals, messing with horses, and in general being covered in a layer of dirt so thick that you could write your name on your arm in the dirt.

So for crying out loud go outside this very moment and stay there as long as possible!  You really have absolutely no reason not to be.  And take a walk! Preferable somewhere with grass and as many tress as possible.

GO!

Sweet and not so much

So class started back up this week and for the first time since high school I'm not dancing every day.  I did not think that it was going to be as difficult as it was.  You get into a routine doing something you love doing so much and when all of a sudden everything is different and I find myself not know really what to do.  Sure my classes interesting for the most part, but its that routine that getting to me.  I get dressed in the morning and have to tell my self that I don't need to wear cloths that I can move in because I not going to be. The low point comes when it occurs to me that I'm not going to the next day or the one after that.  Over the summer it was different.  I still couldn't dance, I could work out for a part of it, but the summer is less structured so it was not that obvious.  Fast forward to the fall semester when for the last two years I have had the same schedule of morning technique classes and I don't have that.  

It's hard. It's really hard.

My french class is turning to be one of the most interesting/horrifying classes I have had in a while (and thats not disregarding A&P). I spend most of the class holding my breath (thank goodness its only a 50 min class) and praying that he doesn't call on me.  I lucked out Monday and was literally saved by the bell and to day, well I truly was blessed.  We were going over numbers and he was asking us simple mathematical problems in french where we had to say  the problem back  and tell him the answer.  When he came over to me, as he said the question a small bit of saliva came out of his mouth.  He was very embarrassed by this,  I did really care, but it was enough, thankfully, for him to pass by me saying he would get back to me.  This best part was he didn't ask me anything for the rest of the class! Sweet!  He also calls be "Jenny" in class.  If you know me, you know that I HATE to be called that, but I let it slide in class.  I think I allow it because of the way he says it (accent) and that he's not horrible to look at. 

To cap off of summer I got to go on a cruise with the "family."  Lets just say that that the cruise was better then the family part. 

To finish, here is a conversation I had with my dad half way through; 

-J-  Matt is waking me up every two hours, but still sleeps all night 

and most of the day.

-D- Do you really want to spend vacation sleeping the whole time?

-J-  No, but some sleep would be nice.

-D- You can sleep when your dead.

End of conversation.

Another avoidance tactic

Cool site though.  Click on the picture and you'll go to a site where you can upload your own photos and do cool things to them.  A lot like what I did with one of my lamer photos.

Enjoy and your welcome.

Museum by dumpr.net

It kind of proves the idea that if enough people are look at something at the same time; anything can appear to look interesting.  Am I not right?

A List: of that which surrounds me

As usual when I need to be studying, here is a list of most of the things that are next to me on top my bed. Sorry only a list; no time for captions.

• velcro "sticky back" tabs
• half a cup of tea and apple juice
• a bag of all natural, no preservatives potato chips
• bits of different types of fabric
• a basket of sewing supplies 
• a hand made card
• cell phone
• lighter
• laundry basket with garments
• book bag
• glasses
• half a box of milk duds
• lame stickers
• three pairs of scissors
• leftover box from this morning's kolaches
• folder of various papers and magazine cutouts
• a page protector full of various papers
• three pillows
• wordy stickers
• my MacBook
• brown thread
• pin cushion and pins
• my keys
• usual bed items; sheets, comforter, blanket; and
• yours truly

I have a full size bed, but it's still a bit crowed up here.

Rehearsal for the Week

I hate Sundays.  Let my qualify that; I hate Sundays currently while I'm taking summer classes.  I put everything off un-school related  just to make it through the week and once it ends I avoid any preparation for the next one as if it was...  well exactly what it is.  I then spend Sundays  attempting to study (key word here is attempting) and trying to put together tactics to make it through the fallowing week that will fall flat as soon as Monday comes around.  Sunday become the rehearsal for the week, and it never is pleasant. Right now its a little after 1 o'clock and I cannot sleep yet again.  I think my sub-conscious is rationalizing  that until I fall asleep it's not Sunday yet (even though it is), because the day ends when you fall asleep.  

And so on that thought I will part by saying this is one time I wish the week was shorter. 

 By a day. 

 A Sunday.

How cool is that?

Usually my post have some sort of topical relevance, but to I'm feeling more stream of conscious.  So there are a few this's and that's and maybe a list. Please try to follow along, or not.  Whatever.

To start, I'm watching Eli Stone and right in the middle of this big dramatic scene, you see a bit of saliva flying out of Eli's mouth.   Of course this lead to me replaying it several time to study it and try to reproduce the act myself.  No luck though; I even tried it with hand gestures.  Looking over this I guess it is a bit wordy of me to say where his saliva can from.  Where else would saliva come from?

I just recently watched Fiddler On the Roof all they way through and for a few days fallowing the viewing I have every Jewish related Broadway song going through my head in one giant mash up.  This also includes a song from Spamalot.

I now only need to wear one shoe.  I got put in cast yesterday, but thankfully it's removable so I can take it off to itch, and ohh does it ever.  I'm going through lotion like their about to stop making it all together. You never thing about how important your skin is to thermoregulation until it's completely incased in a unbreathable material.  It did give me a decent excuse to go shoe shopping, however, to reduce the wobbling.  This all lead me to thing about how you can only by shoes in pairs, despite the fact that I only need one.  Here is a list of the things that I can think of that only come in pairs;

• Shoes
• gloves
• earrings
  
• twins
• turtle doves

And finally, I bought this journal that actually encourages you you destroy it.  How cool is that? Each page list a different destructive act with all of the grossness such a task deserves.  My favorite is a page where you eat a colorful candy and make a drawing on the page with your tongue.

Subject A

Subject A, let's call her Jenn, put on a band-aid at 7:45 am (minimum) and took it of at 10:00 pm (maximum.) What can be concluded about the band-aid and Jenn?

Conclusions:

a) Jenn has really good band-aids;

b) based of of what was left on the band-aid upon removal, Jenn needs to bathe; and

c) Jenn really needs to get back to her statistics homework.

Thus ends the problem.

 

Ice is Nice

I am feeling my ankle too much.   Need to get it frozen.   Ice is nice.

Need to sleep.

Consider Yourself Warned

I just got my passport renewed and the picture came out hideous.  It was like my driver's license, school I.D. and some homeless person combined.    So I decided to play around in photo booth to see if I could, in fact take a decent picture.  Need less to say things quickly took a turn in a different direction.

The results (consider yourself warned):

Love:Hate

I love my MacBook, I really do.  It's just that sometimes I want to let it swim with the fishes.  We have a love:hate relationship really.  When I try to love it so it doesn't hate me; it loves to hate me regardless.  Have I once let it get wet? No.  Have I dropped it?  Well yes, but its usually was a short trip to the ground and had a soft landing.  Have I let it go out without a cover? Not usually.   Then why must it lead me on with its awesomeness only to go horribly wrong.  I always have said that chose an Apple because I can get fix by a real person if need be, but must  it be so frequently?  The Apple Nerds know me.  How sad is that?  The latest problem is that it has gone mute and the only evidence that I have is a red light where the head phones plug goes.  Maybe I depend on it too much.  I have no television so it is my main form of visual entertainment when I am home.  That is why something like the sound not working so disastrous.  What is a girl to do now?

So I have made an appointment at 5:15 Monday to have the Nerds look at it and at that time I will also post this to ceremonially mark my yet another visit to the apple store.  Oh what fun.

Options

Part of me is say that I need to get my apartment is some for of order be, to get the smell out of my refrigerator, to shower, go to the gym, and take my laundry to be washed because there is no way in hell that half of this stuff is going to happen once I go back to school.

The other part is say to just go see a movie and it will all work out in then end.

I honestly don't know what side to listen to.

Its OK They Know Me Here

Forget network television; I'll take the Ovation channel any day of the week.  However, my favorite day is Monday, the performances.  I sit writing this as Bathroom Divas is on.  As I'm sure all of you know it is a show that make these people opera singers.  Yes let me repeat that, opera singers.  American Idol has nothing on this show.  The start with auditions and pick 6 singers to live in this very stately home to go this opera boot camp and the winner gets to fully orchestrated performance in a massive hall.  This one guy, Paul, is in one world amazing. And of course it never huts that he is not bad to look at ether. What can I say I fairly sure it has something to do with the suit.  I have a thing for guys in suits. 

In other news I'm getting to the point where I'm recognizing film score composers just by hearing there work.  I don't think this needs any further elaboration is needed on my point. Admitting this is enough.

Also, I just saw a preview for a documentary in there American Revolutionaries series over Martha Graham.  Sweet!  Its on this Wednesday at 7 and 10 pm  and just in case you miss it, its back on twice Friday and then again July 30th.  I know I will be watching at least once and I cannot promise it wont happen again.  If you don't watch it; you are no longer my friend.

Now that I have firmly taken residence in the land of Geekdom, I wonder if there is a rehab center for this. Not that I need one, of course, it would just be nice to know its there.

Now You Owe Me

Whenever someone ask me to something nice for them, I usually do it.  Not out of some idea that it would help better the world or any new age b.s., but I do like that now that person owes me.  Whether big or small, its nice to know that when the time arises I could call in the favor.  Mainly this relates to my dad, however, other authoritative figures also come in handy.  I like to fallow and comment give with something like, "just remember this the next time I...

• ... call you at 3:00 in the morning.
• ... the next fine, ticket, or penalty I get.
• ... when I need $$$ to get my hair done.

Need less to say the list goes on.  It is kind of like how the Mob operates.  Although I don't have "direct" knowledge of how they work; I did grow up in the family that I did and that really is all the training that one would need.

It's Kicks Ass

I have noticed that this blog has taken somewhat of a darker pessimistic tone so I have decided to share some of my recent accomplishments, with captions;

• I found the source of the smell in my apt and removed it, lets just say it was once something editable
• I returned my library books, yes they were a week late but that just go to show that it is cheaper for me in the long run to just buy them
•  I managed to put my brace o this morning with my eyes closed, wasn't quite ready to say good morning to the world
• I also got my car inspected the the oil changed, it did however take me getting a ticket for it though.

In other new I stubbled on a album by Joby Talbot in iTunes. He is this kick ass composer who is currently blowing my mind.   In general I like two types of classical music;

1. Modern, very clean melodic lines, and the darker the better.
2. Strongly jazz influenced, whimsical, and sounds like something you would hear in cartoons. 

I bought The Dying Swan- Music for One to Seven Player is word of word how I like music for the first type to be, that you just need to buy the album yourself.  It is a musical experience.  To back track a bit let me explain that I first came upon him through his work on the score of Son of Rambow.  It was a bit repetitive for my liking but it did interest me enough to look into his work.  Thats how I found his Dying Swan CD this morning. Fast forward to moments ago I worked my way over to his web site and found that he had worded on an re-imagined CD based on Jack White/ the White Stripes called Aluminium.  Now I try to not buy more then one CD in any given week, but an exception had to be made in this case.  It's just that good.  It is hard core my second type of classical music and very much like his work in Son of Rambow. I usually think that classical artist who over popular songs are sell outs and void of any original ideas, but not with him and not with this CD.  I strongly suggest if you have heard "Astro" to play his version, or at least sample it for crying out loud.  It's kicks ass.

My Hero

Note:  I first wrote this give or take a week ago and delayed publishing it until I devolved some film of a picture that I felt was appropriate for this piece.  Also it should be noted that I wrote this after watching too many "Grey's Anatomy" episodes; so please excuse the particular tone due to this and the reference to the BBC comedy with the title.

There is this idea, or even stronger an idealized life plan thanks to fairy tales and Disney, that all little girls will grow up find the love of their lives, marry, then live happily ever after. Now if you please, take a moment to think of the fallacy of this;

All little girls will grow up find the love of their lives, marry, and live happily ever after.

Is there any truth in this?  Can any one say that, yes this is true and thats how it happened to me? For those who's parents are still together then there is really no point for you to read beyond this point, but for those who's parent aren't, what real life example do we have? Its would be a complete jump in logic to assume that this could happen to us. My mom left right after both my brother and I left home, in fact I was told this only a week before my 21st birthday, and although they have been divorced for year my mom is still contesting it.  I often wonder if they would have been together even that long if it hadn't been for my dad being away from home for work so often. Even my grandparent, every single one of them have been divorced and remarried. Growing up that was cool to have so many sets, but once I was old enough to release why that was so,  the nostalgia is bittersweet. 

I don't want happened to my parent to happen to me, I want to find the love of my life, marry, and live happily ever after. I really do, but what real life examples do I have to use as source material?  My brother and I were raised with the same examples and he is across the country with a kid who's mom wont let him even be alone with is own child. I haven't even been in a relationship little less a successful one.  I honestly don't know how to be in one.  Could it be that these issues are just my own personal insecurities? My brother is sleeping with anything with two legs and two X chromosomes; while I'm to scared to even let anything get to the point of intimacy. 

  

Are we simply products of our environment or is there a way to break the cycle?

Completely Blown Away

Every once in a while I'll shuffle through songs  in iTunes or on my iPod and will be completely blown away by a song that I hadn't heard before.  I will find just a kick ass song  that is so good and wonder why I hadn't been playing it every single day. Sense I have been working at home, I don't have the bandwidth to stream music and run all of the programs that  I need to at the same time, I have been coming across these mind blowing songs off of my iPod more often.  So I though I would share a few that I have managed to mark and highly recommend.

• "Park Avenue"  The A-Sides
• "I.C.E" Antibalas
• "All the Truth" Bear is Driving
• Tears from a gun" The Black Ghost
• "Veloso Odeio" Caetano Veloso
• "Love Me in the Morning" Clare Burson
• "The Satisfier" Eli 'Paperboy' Reed
• "Captain Captain" Haley Bonar
• "Our Life is Not a Movie or Maybe" Okkervil River
• "Fear" Paddy Casey
• "Tonight I Have to Leave It" Shout Out Louds
• "When you Were Young" Astrid Swam
• "Friday Night at the Drive-In Bingo" Jens Lekman
• "Let's Try This Again" Sara Gazarek
• "Jade Like Wine" Six Organs of Admittance
• "Passages" Passages
• "71943676_75b9ec81" Unknown artist

The last two are all the information that I have. "Passages" is smooth jazz, which I don't usually like, but has this nice blues twist.  The last one is a fantastic version of Death Cab for Cutie's, "I Will Flollow You into the Dark," but done with a piano and a female voice. 

Some have asked where I get my music from, so here are the the places my digital music come from (all very legal mind you);

• iTunes- both the free weekly songs, make sure you find the discover tune which is usually next to the free regular song in the "free on iTunes" box at the bottom of the home page, and paid for
• 7digital.com- I get all of my European music here that hasn't been released in the states for whatever reason. I pay for them, but its in pounds so you'll have to pay the exchange rate and what ever fee you bank charges you to do it.  This usually makes out for what ever I buy to be about twice as much as if I would have bought it form iTunes. Great for those artist who you have bought their American stuff and want that song that wasn't included but is on the European on or those Canadian artist who don't release there stuff here but do in other countries. Although they do have stuff for free if want to be on the artist' mailing list.
• linktvstore.org- part of the uber liberal cable channel Link TV, which if you have it you should be watching they have some fantastic documentaries. But back to the music, there store basically supplements there global music show. They have stuff for free and stuff you can buy.  I have done both, but for whatever reason cannot download stuff from them onto my Mac.  PC has always worked though. Great music ever sing time, exceptionally if it doesn't really matter to you if it is in english.
• wxpn.blogspot.com- From a fantastic NPR station, great to play during the day.  They play the stuff that wouldn't necessarily be played on normal radio but should be on it plus with a nice mix of the older stuff that isn't really genre focused. . The music can be found under "My Morning Download" (a shameless take on My Morning Jacket.)  I have always found there stuff to be just ahead of the curve with music and ever song just as good as the last. And its free so even if you don't like the song, you're not out anything and you add to you play count.

Like Clockwork

In everyones' life there are those annual events that, although be they unplanned, happen regardless of any productive action take to start on a regular bases. And of course I should add that if by some chance you're able to bypass an occurrence, there will be hell to pay next time it does. 

• Getting pulled over while driving, every six months
• Finding that a piece of chocolate has melted all over ____ (fill in the blank) once a year and always when it starts to get boiling hot outside
• Majority, stop everything, injured, every two years and usually in the summer

The the most part the first two are simply hiccups in your daily life and once the matter has been addressed no further action need take place. For the latter, however, forever comes back to haunt you.

To know me; is to know that I tend to land myself in a Dr.'s office more then say almost everyone else I know,  Starting in third grade, and every other year there after, I can list out the injuries that have forced me to put my life on hold and question just what the hell I doing wrong to deserve this.  Not all of them have been self inflicted nor recurring, but the  ones that are follow me around like a omnipresent shadow.

With my current injury, my ankle, I am but days from being put into a boot/cast, a course of action that I did not really care for the first time around and even less for now that I know what it's going to be like now.  I guess in hindsight there were events that foretold that some major disaster was coming. The spring semester was all but like getting lost in a very dark, deap cave.

Me Vs the World

My next door neighbor is moving out, the cute one across from me, which is not necessary news worthy except for the fact that he only has one other person helping him and they seem to have it under control.  While I, on the other hand, need and increasing amount of people to help move me each and every time I do.  I am willing to admit that I do in fact have a lot of very necessary "stuff," and my neighbor, being a male, does not. I just find it strange when anyone is able to move with less then a small army, or an ensemble at least.  I won't even mention those who are able to accomplish such a task in one day.

Relating to all of the "stuff" I have, I am in the process of trying to contain all of it into my apartment in an orderly manner where every thing has a place and everything is in its place.  I hope to even get ALL of my dishes washed.  Of course writing this blog is just another was to procrastinate, but I have every intention to put on my apron and get to work. 

Right after a trip to Starbucks.

Zooooooooooooooooooom

I rode my bike to campus to work on my A&P review.

But in reality I did it more so to ride my bike down the hills then to study.

I cannot really be guilty thought, It's far to nice outside to stay focused on anything.

So get of of your computers this very moment and go fly a kite, I mean ride a bike.

(shameless Mary Poppins' reference)

A Bit of a Crisis

I just switched over after the conclusion of Echoes on WXPN to Audio Visions on  XM so its right around midnight (would that be A.M. or P.M. I can never remember what is which.) So yes by this point I can confidently say that I will have another sleepless night.  Ohh yay.  It really sucks not being able to move and to be active and do things that I enjoy doing.  I start physical therapy wednesday so hopefully they will give me a wider range of movement capabilities, which current limit is walking... and well sitting.  I had a friend that I have danced with forever (its freaky strange on what level we are connected) call this morning and ask if I could re-stage with her one of our early pieces that we co-choreographed together. Of course I could not but it was fun catching up with her non the less.  It sounded as if we were two old ladies (our birthdays are only a month apart) talking about all of our current ailments over the phone.  She particularly enjoyed the pin incident story, but then again most people do.

I think that I might be having a bit of a crisis.  Maybe crisis isn't the right word, but it is as good as its going to get at this point.  It was brought on by the realization that the only way I could pass A&P lab now is if a virus took out the entire network at school and every  grade was erased.  But then of course there are the backup servers that would need to be addressed and I am sure there are always hardcopies for that kind of stuff as well. With that and taking incomplete in all of my dance classes I think that this semester would have been more productive if I did not take any classes at all. Even when I was dancing I did not fell as if I was getting anything out of it.  It was like I was just going through the motions because I had to and not because I wanted to. It's not that I was not enjoying moving but by being forced to take A&P It felt like I was being forced to take my other classes as well.  So I am just questioning how much dance I want to take next fall; which is also influenced by what the hell has to be done to my ankle and how long it's going to take to do it.  At this point I do not know if I want to keep dance as a major at all.  I think that subconsciously I knew that there would be a time when I would have to decide just how much I want to be involved in the dance world, but I always thought/hoped that I would have at least made it through academia and established myself into the field (in whatever way) before I would have to make a decision.

Maybe that this is just the insomnia kicking in and I'm just jumping ahead of  of myself, and I pray that I am.  But like everything else there are always choices in a decision and the path the they lead to is only apparent at the end.

EDIT: The time stamp at the end says its 12 A.M so there you go.

A List: because even pigs fly from time to time

We all knew that it was just a matter of time until something like this was to happen.  Yes, I have made excuses when others come in contact, only to be polite, with no intentions of doing anything about it. But non the less here is a list of just a few of the more intersting things found while cleaning out my car, with captions.

• 9 shoes notice that pairs infur an even number, not and odd
  
• a wire basket, your guess is as good as mine, honestly
• Part of my DVD collection the musicals
• a yoga mat
• a t-t-tambourine,  for all of those improv jam sessions
• 5 socks, see above note on shoes

I'm sure there is more and I'll add if I think of anything, but I really cant be expected to write when The Vicar of Dibley is on and its the animals episode.  Might go into more detail latter about this, but we'll just have to wait and see...

Mid-week summation

So far staying at my dad's has been uneventful and that really is the interesting bit.  Those who know, know that we tend to have an expiration date.  Surprisingly nothing has even been thrown (we tend to be a family of throwers).  I conclude that this delayed expiration date is due to the fact that I'm making decent cash basically sitting in front of a computer (which I do most of the time anyways) and HD television (it really is weird watching a show the time/day it airs.) However, rest assure, my pretties, there will be a point of destruction and it will make for an excellent post; as long as your on my side.

Yep, thats a folding table that he is on...

And to part with a quote from Karen from "Will and Grace" that I am currently flipping between that and a Mythbusters about flagrance;

There are two things that I will not allow in my house, racism and constipation.

I think that is something that we all can live by, my friends.

A List: pertaining to tactics of avoidance

Another week another list, or so it seams. This time it was all about avoiding studying for A&P. After all it takes a lot of work to fail, but still not as much as is would take to pass. With captions.

• Work on making flash cards so I could study, but not really
• open windows to hear the birds
• change song playing on iPod. I have a strict rule against playing Christmas music out of season
• check e-mail it had be almost 30 mins. sense the last time I checked
• laundry which I did myself, thank you very much, but did study flash cards at the same time
• clean, OK it was more like hide all of the paraphernalia and try to clear a path from the door to the table because my dad was bringing Chinese food from Chopsticks. WOOHOOO!!!
• Put on fencing stuff for photo shot still not sure why pictures were taken, I only wanted advice if I should send the pants back or not
• change back into normal clothes which ironically I have less of then all of my other types of clothes
• Check email. Again 30 min. rule
• make more flash cards and finished them, for the most part at least
• Change song on iPod. I really did think that I got all of the Christmas stuff off awhile ago
• improv dance break
• check Facebook
• Google umbrellas. Mine just went inside out (no good) and I always have wanted one just like Mary Poppins, it is somewhat of a quest
• sort beads by colors in preparation for next project but soon give up when I start to miss Jake (who would have made this impossible) and relies that a 1500 bag of fun would take even more time then I was willing to blow
• check craft blogs/boards for ideas and the meaning of the universe
• go get float from Dairy Queen they are the only place with the good root beer
• get back on computer with every intention to write my modern reflection paper
• write blog self explanatory
• edit blog six time trying to catch all of my mistakes
• Think, about if I want to take a shower or just go to bed and how "Q" got ripped off in the letter game. It is hardly ever used and always has "q" hanging around and taking all of its thunder.

A List

So many things I needed to do this weekend, so I made a list, with captions... 

• Sew elastics on ballet shoes
• dishes
• finish handbag that I am making 
• check to car for food and hope that I left it somewhere besides in my car
• laundry
  
• trash the front door is hardly a barrier of protection
• letter addressed to all parties involved in the writers strike thanking them for ending it, but warning them that if they dare do something that puts the complete spring series in jeopardy again, I might be forced to go on a hunger strike to hasten their negotiation process
• dishtowel for swap
  
• buy- black shirt, transfer pen, tracing paper, and groceries for stuff
• study A&P so I don't fail

Prize goes to whoever can guess what I actually managed to get done...

Floating needwork

Here are a few projects that are in various states of completed that are floating around my apartment.

Work on a pillowcase

More of the pillowcase...

and this makes three.

My crochet case that I crocheted and felted

A counted cross stitch butterfly

Paradox of Platonic Degree

Do you ever find  doing something that normally was out of character, only to realize that it now is in you character? It is a paradox of Platonic degree that wasn't even in your spectrum of possibilities, and now all of a sudden it is.  It's frightening when something like this happens, even when the action is really mundane.  It make you question every action that you do, every action that makes you the person that is a part of your self identity.   You wonder if this action is just a phase that needs to be explored until it gets released onto the COSMOS, or if this is just the beginning of a whole new different identity.  That is the really scary part of this paradox.

Will you like this new person or do you even have conscious control of this new person you are to become?

I still hate Valentine's Day, but...

Never have liked it.  What can a person  say about a holiday that is ruled by Hallmark?  Most of the time I skip out of school or any other social obligations and hibernate in solitude just wishing that the day would end (drugs always are a key player.)  But I do like to craft, even more so to overrule my distain for Valentine's Day.  So without giving away any of my secrets (for world domination, hahahaha) the end product will be seen soon enough.

Just kidding about the world domination part I'm still not feeling too well.

... or am I?

Cue-to-cueing

I am currently trapped at school all weekend deck crewing.  Where some might think that one would actually be working but that thought would be WORNG.  Of course there was sweeping and moping when I first got here, this is stage production after all, but the only difference between what I’m doing here and what I would be doing if I was in my apartment is that here I about to go blind by the low beam that is shining directly into my eyes and thats it.

Just waiting out my sentence with no hope of getting out early for good behavior. 

And in case anyone's wondering, all that photography is by yours truly, unless I say its not and then, well, it belongs to someone else. 

Shuffling Nowhere

Still feel not unlike this picture.

Which is, ironically, where the root of evil also resides.

Shuffling about

The majority of the day has been sent moving fro one room to the next and back again.  Its almost 10 now and I am exhausted from doing absolutely nothing at all.  So tomorrow should be interesting, I am going to have to drag myself to class kicking and screaming (which is often the case), I cannot miss the same class twice in a role, and that should count allot coming from me.

I'm having second thoughts about competing in SWIFA (fencing tournament) now.  I'm not sure if I can get myself and everything else I need ready in time.  Everyone keeps saying that that how your really learn how to bout, but in all honesty I just don't want to go and loose every time I go to strip. And it has nothing to do with the fact that I don't like to lose (which doesn't really matter to me);  its that there is something finite about competing in a tournament where records are kept. In club if you lose, you lose, if you win, you win, no one keeps a tally of it and the end, honestly, no one really cares.  In tournaments the outcome of a bout determines what happens next.  If your bout again or not.  So I'm just not sure if I can get my self to that point in time.  I do, however, think that I can bring my self to the point for Crescent Open though.  Yes it is in New Orleans, and yes it is the first weekend of Spring Break, and yes I just might have too be forced to stay a few extra day, but I fairly confident that I can be ready by then. yes I do believe that I will be.

Here we go

All right folks, I have had blogs before and think that now is a good time as any to do it again.  I hope to use this as a kind of forum to maybe actualize some of my thoughts.

So lets see what kind of mess I can get myself into.